Why the Podcast?

So folks, on this morning's episode, it’s just going to be me. I want to talk to you guys a little bit and really encourage you to listen to this episode and pass it on to friends and relatives.

Somebody asked me a couple days ago, “Why am I doing this podcast?” I thought about it and I've been working in this environment now for 17-18 years, started almost 20 years ago when all four of our parents got ill, and our life changed. We were, you know, probably that average family. Both of us working, and I had a long commute to work. My wife worked out of our house at that point. We had two kids, our son 11, our daughter, seven. They were involved in a lot of activities, sports, dance, plus all the homework- everything that kids of that age normally get involved with.

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I worked long hours. I left the house at 5:30 in the morning when used to get home about 7:00 at night. Then things changed and we found out that our parents weren't doing well. Again, we're not that different than a lot of folks out there working and have kids. This can affect a family from when the adult children are 40, to, I've worked with some adult children that are around my age, now around 70, and have parents that are still with us in their mid 90s and not doing well.

So why am I doing this podcast?
There's a lot of other things I could be doing - I'm 71 years of age and I could just be kind of sitting back, but why am I doing this? Because most folks aren't going to have four parents to take care of. A lot of folks will have one, maybe two. Maybe it's mom. Maybe it's mother-in-law. Maybe it's a grandparent. Maybe it's spaced out over time. A lot of folks don't get him back-to-back to back like we had over 14 years, but it can happen. We talked about 30-40 years ago, even longer- 50 years ago, the parents would move in with the kids. Maybe they'd make it to mid 70s and they'd pass away. Obviously things have changed with medicine, medication, hospitalization, and all the services that we have out there. We've seen people live well into their one hundredths. My mom passed away at 96. We're seeing a lot of people live to that age. So what does that mean? It means that, and I'm being totally honest and this is why I'm doing this: stuff happens at some point.

Whether we're unfortunately ill in our 60s, our 80s, our 90s or maybe we're doing great till over 100. At some point, unless we figure out a way to change this, stuff happens. It may be a fall, an illness, or even both. You know our bodies change. I'm not the same person I was 30-40 years ago. I obviously don't do the same things that I did then. I live in a neighborhood where a lot of folks are younger than me, and they're doing all the things that I did 30 or 40 years ago, and I can't do any more. That's reality. So when I say we need to really understand, that at some point, the people around us that we love - that are probably older, something is going to happen.

They're going to get ill. They're going to fall. In many cases, it's both the weakness from an illness causing unstability which causes a fall. Or maybe it's simply Mom, who is In her 70s and doing great - she goes to the grocery store one morning and gets distracted walking out, and trips on the curb. Now she falls and something breaks. And things change.

So when I talk about that four letter word plan. Why? I've talked about it a lot, we (my family) really didn't think about this point in our life when all of a sudden we would have our older loved ones not doing well. And what did that mean? In my family, I still had to generate money coming in. That still meant leaving at 5:30 in the morning and getting home at 7:00 at night. So this fell on my wife, as she was going from parent to parent, taking care of them. They lived somewhat close to us, at least we were lucky they weren't hundreds of miles away or multiple states. My parents were 40 miles from one direction and her parents were 40 miles in another. Living in the Bay Area where we lived, traffic was bad. A trip would usually take at least an hour. So thinking about what I'm talking about, this is why I'm doing this.

• Where do your parents live? Where do your grandparents live? Where do the in laws live? And if something happens, are you going to say to mom/dad, "thanks for the great life, but guess what, you're on your own?". Not many people are going to do that. We care.
• Do you live close to them? Are you 20 miles away, 30, 40, 50 or are you hundreds? Or do you live in one state and they live in another?
• What are you going to do? Are you going to travel back and forth? Do you have the finances to do that? Are mom and dad willing to move to where you live? If so, is your house big enough? Maybe you have a three bedroom house, and it's a two-story. Well Dad can't really navigate stairs any more, and all the bedrooms are upstairs. There's so many things to think about. These are things that I call reality.
• So what does that mean? Or are they going to stay living where they're living? Would you, or your sibling be willing to move away from your family. Your partner or spouse, your kids, and whomever it may be. Do you plan to take a leave from your job or have to quit and go take care of someone?

What I've what I've found, and what we usually find, it's true, the getting well, if they can get well, takes a while. So maybe you think, well, I'll go there for a week and that'll be fine, but no, they're going to need help a lot longer than a week. So what are you going to do? We've talked about the cost of care - bringing someone in that's a professional is expensive. Yes, you can bring someone in that may charge less than a professional, but we've talked about that too- What happens if their car doesn't start? What happens if they get ill? If mom or Dad needs someone there every day, and now this person can't get there. Who's the backup? 

Why am I doing this? I'm trying to get people to think about this and we've talked about this a lot. I know it's not a fun subject. I know you'd rather be talking about almost anything. I've talked about the fact I've literally stood in front of thousands and thousands of people and I can't tell you the number of people, when I talk about this issue, put their hand up and basically say "this isn't going to happen in my life, and if it is, it's not going to be that difficult."

How do you know that?
First of all, how do you know that's not going to happen? Chances are it is.
And how do you know it's not going to be that difficult?

Maybe they lived down the street. Maybe it won't be that bad and you, your spouse, your partner can go there every day, your kids. But how many families still live down the street from mom and dad or grandparents? I don't know many. Most families that I know, friends that I've had over 30 or 40 years, have moved far away from where their life began. They don't live close to their older loved ones. They'll see them at Thanksgiving, at Christmas, they'll see them for an event in the family. I want people to think about this. Then, after you've thought about it and talked to your partner, spouse, kids. I want people to do stuff. What does "do stuff" mean? Start understanding what it's going to look like if something does happen.

• How is that going to fit into your life?
• What is going to happen if they live hundreds of miles or a few states away?
• Who's going to take care of them?
• Do the parents, do the grandparents have the money to bring someone in?
• Are they willing to move to an assisted living?
• Do they need memory care?
• Is someone from your family, you, your spouse, partner, whomever, going to move to where the parents or grandparents live?

It's again reality.

Until, and I don't know when it if until will ever happen, we figure out how as people age, they stay well. Where they don't fall, they don't get ill, they don't do both- this is going to keep happening. We've talked about the numbers, there's over 100 million people, around 110 million approximately that are 50 and older in this country, we have close to 80 million baby boomers moving north and getting older. With the oldest turning 80 in less than two years, in 2026. 80.

We were always vibrant young ones, spending all the money, helping the economy, so on and so forth. And now? We're older! The youngest boomers, born in 1964, are turning 60 this year. We're in a different stage - a different point in our lives. So why do I do this? Folks, I know there's so much going on in everybody's life. From work, to wanting to enjoy life, to take vacations if you can afford it, to kids doing all these different things. Kids are about ready to go back to school again, here we are in just about mid August. But this is out there too. And like us, maybe you don't think about it, or haven't thought about it, then all of a sudden it creeps up on you. Please do yourself a favor. Do mom and Dad or your grandparents a favor - Think about it. Talk with them, what I call this family conversation, not "mom, dad, we need to talk", instead try "mom, dad, I need some advice." And then slowly start bringing this up.

1. The first thing you want to find out is where would they want to live as they age. They're probably going to say "in their home." OK. Is that real? Can that work?

But folks think about it. That's why I'm doing this. I want you to think. Then I want you to take action. Action is starting to really understand what you're going to need as far as services beyond care, transportation, financial, legal, all the other pieces. If mom or dad can't drive anymore, and you guys don't live close, think about it. What would you do? Take action. That's why I'm doing this.

If you want to reach out to me, if you have a comment question, or if you'd like to be a guest on the podcast, email me at: [email protected].

Until we talk again, have yourself an awesome day.